In Between

This is the 3rd time I try to write something since the last post. Yes, it’s been a while. Was it the end of June when I had my surgery? I don’t remember the exact day. There were too many things happening at once. There were many things taking my mind away from what I was experiencing or to focus on what was going on before my eyes. After my surgery, and all of the sudden, my mom began to transition. She passed on so quickly. The last time she reacted to my voice was Wednesday when I went to see her and told her: “I brought your boyfriend to see you.” She smiled. But something else had happened earlier that Wednesday. She told her caregiver, that she had had a conversation with God. That wasn’t the first time. My mom was used to talk to God and experienced many beautiful and very personal moments with Him. We were used to hear of her encounters, conversations, and beautiful and rare occasions when things had been revealed to her in unexpected ways.

“My loved ones are waiting for me… and I am ready”, she said to her caregiver. My sister went to see her, and my mom cried after she left, “I won’t see her anymore”, she said. Those were her last words.

My son and my older daughter traveled from Kentucky and North Carolina to see her. My youngest daughter arrived from Japan Saturday evening. We were finally together to show her how much she meant to us. Sunday was a very special day. That day many people told her how special she had been. They explained and described in so many ways how she touched their lives. And for that I am thankful. She died the very next day, Monday October 25, 2021.

Silence, and sadness followed. I went back to work right away. Didn’t want to feel or think. Just wanted to go through the motions of the day, taking me from one thing to the next. It wasn’t until several weeks later when I realized what had happened. It hit me hard… and I finally cried.

At the same time, I stepped down from the position I had as the director of a nursing program at a university in Atlanta. Too many things happening in such a short time continued to hit me hard and unexpectedly. My strength went away during the months leading on to June. Then, it all disappeared October 25th.And then, I just decided to step back, sit down, take a last look at what my year had been and surrender all to God.

My mom’s death brought me face-to-face to my own life. A long time ago, I had left church, but not God. I think that church can become a barrier preventing people to see and experience God in a personal and unique way. That’s how he revealed himself in the past. Years ago, I realized I did not want things to stand between God and me. I could reach out to him, depend on him, trust in him, with nothing more than his love for me and mine for him. I had seen my faith become stronger. But her passing, showed me that church was important for my dad. It was time to go back, for him. Time to open the path for him to experience once again, that he belongs and there was still a place for him. It was time for him to realize that at 94 he can still bless others. It was time to help him look forward to something else; something more.

Many months have passed from the last time I wrote something here. My strength is back, and I am at peace.

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